Evolving

I am always evolving –
I am not who I once was,
But I am not the final version of who I can be.
I have learned better
How to use my voice,
But sometimes it sounds too
Strong,
Hoarse,
Strained –
Or quiet.
Sometimes it doesn’t sound at all,
But it’s always there –
I can feel it –
Rippling beneath the surface,
Climbing up my lungs.
Sometimes it threatens to burst like a geyser;
Sometimes it gets stuck,
And threatens to choke me out –
But I know this is not my voice itself;
It is fear.
It is fear of being heard,
Fear of not;
It is fear of being understood,
Fear of not;
It is fear of being
Brave,
Bold,
Open,
Wild,
Sexy,
Luscious,
Alive.
Life is messy and unpredictable,
And I usually don’t know what to say –
What will get me through to the next moment,
The next phase?
It’s easier to let life pass you by,
Than it is to live it.
But which is more rewarding?
Which lets you integrate and embrace
All those parts of you?
You can only learn, grow, and change
If you keep living –
Keep using your voice.